I used to look forward to Friday’s. (#fibromyalgia)

I used to look forward to Friday’s.  I loved reflecting on my working week.  What went well, what didn’t, what new things I learnt, what new connections I’d made, people I’d met, things I could take forward, new and inspiring ideas….you get my meaning.

My Friday’s now consist of what could I have done better, why my battle to do everything 110% takes so much energy out of me I could sleep for a year. Why my perfectionism is tested to its limits because I am naturally a very methodical, hard-working, challenge absorbing type of person.  I love what I do and I HATE that I can’t do what I love with ease anymore. I then look towards the weekend hoping I can gain enough recovery to make the next week better than the last.  It never works.

I remember when I attended the Chronic Pain Services last year and I already knew about ‘pacing’.  I didn’t believe in it and I still don’t now.  It’s fine if you’re not working full-time, but it does not work with full-time employment.  End of story. Feel free to challenge that, but I would only really listen to those in full-time work who have been able to pace themselves.

Friday for me is not Friday, it’s the same as any other day, so does that mean I don’t look forward to any day?  I guess not.

By MentalHealthProfessional_CombatingFibromyalgia Posted in Fibro

9 comments on “I used to look forward to Friday’s. (#fibromyalgia)

  1. How can we look forward to any day when we don’t know how we feel? I used to set things up in advance, make plans with friends, go into the city, by myself or meet friends. Now, it’s like the earth has to be aligned in 940 ways before I even think about it. Not too hot, not too cold, not humid, not torrential downpous and then we have the symptom assessment. What hurts, what doesn’t (rarely an answer there) have I slept well? Everything is so complicated now. I envy my old life pre-Fibro but I have to accept I have it and many other of its complications. Also, have an autoimmune disease. People still say stupid things and most people, unless they have it, JUST DON’T GET IT. I’ve accepted that but I sure as hell, don’t like it. It is what it is.

    • Hibernationnow, that is a really tough question. I feel for you. Chronic pain is isolating. The only ones who understand it are those who have experienced it. Others try to empathize but can’t as they haven’t a clue what we’re going through. I was debating between a few topics to talk about in my next post and you just decided my topic for me. I hope you’ll read my next post and maybe it will give you some good food for thought. Hang in there. You aren’t alone and we can find enjoyment in things, we may just have to go about it a bit differently.

  2. Thank you so much for that Painfighter. Just hearing that from someone else makes me feel that I am not alone in the extreme thinking I have about work and what I want to achieve or think I don’t achieve. I find Fibro really has interrupted me in my tracks when I was at the peak of my achievements and well-being. Maybe I need some hypnotherapy!

    • I’m glad my comment helped you. I started my blog a week ago with the hope that it would help me and maybe someone reading it. I will blog about my experiences with my leave more and with my return to work, I just haven’t gotten to it yet. I have been working with an EMDR therapist for 9 months now. It’s a much more intensive kind of therapy than the normal cognitive or behavioral talk therapy. I tried those and never made any progress. With EMDR, I started making progress on my childhood trauma, my unhealthy thoughts and habits, and more within weeks. Maybe EMDR or hypnotherapy would help you. I see my EMDR therapist as a guide out of the worst of the pain. She’s been a lifesaver for me, literally, as I was drowning in pain before I started seeing her. The pain is the same now, but I have ways to control it and my response to it that I didn’t before.

      • Yes, I’ve done the CBT stuff, it does nothing for me. It’s hard, because I work for a really small organisation. I can’t have my work covered if I’m on holiday, or take the odd day off. This invariably means I always come back to piles of work and so much to catch up on. I know someone who chose EMDR; sounds interesting…

  3. I know exactly what you mean and are going through. I’ve always been an over achiever and a perfectionist. My energy got so low that I couldn’t do my job to my high standards anymore. It really got to me. I was throwing up a wall to block out everything except what my work required and as soon as I left work each day, the pain would slam into me and I would crash and be useless every night. My weekends were spent resting for the work week ahead. I didn’t get anything done but work. It strained my marriage – something I’m still working to fix. I had to take an 11 week leave of absense from work and focus on getting healthier. I worked really hard to examine my habits, especially my need to be perfect and give 120% at work. It took awhile and a lot of hard work with my therapist, but I came to learn that my health and marriage come first and work second. I can’t give my usual 120% now that I’m back working. But a 100% effort from me — or even an 80% effort — still produces better work than others in my company doing the same job I am. I’m okay with that now. I still have a little voice in the back of my head telling me, “But you need to do this and this and this as well.” I ignore that voice now. It’s hard but I have to. I can’t give my all at work because I have to leave myself enough energy to do other things each day too. I wish you luck and rest this weekend. I hope next week is better for you.

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