A fog descends, all encompassing,
Suffocating and overpowering.
Eyes fair heavy full of sand
Head falls forward, unplanned.
Lost in space
Thoughts are scrambled,
Speech is lost
What to do
You cannot know,
There is no place
For fog to go.
Memory loss and disorientation are two of the most challenging symptoms of fibromyalgia. Suddenly not knowing where you are can lead to embarrassment or even panic. Even more embarrassing is when you try to have a conversation and you have to stop mid-sentence, like instead of a comma, a full-stop has arrived, followed by &%$$^&()+@. If I could implant a dictionary and thesaurus in my brain I’d could route around finding exactly what I need.
This is what 3 days of Fibro Fog do to you, lets hope it eases…………
Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year. I always have a quiet time with my hubby and budgie, feet up, watching TV, munching and chlling. We buy things for each other all year round, so presents are not important to us, it’s more about having some time off.
This is my 5th Christmas with fibro/chronic pain. My main job involves mental health, as does my own work that I have done completely for free online since 1998 having had many years of mental health difficulties inc. hospital admissions (including A&E), carers, support staff etc.
Ironically if I had developed fibro in the midst of my mental health difficulties I think I would have crumbled. I had been in recovery for the longest period of time when pain materialised in one area of my body (my hand). What I realise now is that any episode of depression, anxiety, psychosis etc. fluctuated considerably. There were also periods of calm, wellness and contentment. It turns out fibro is the complete opposite, it’s relentless, day in day out, night after night. It truly is a 356, 24/7 pain in the butt and I sit here now with a thumping headache eased slightly with some ice. But, I’m home. I’m enjoying the time off and I’m glad that despite the frustrations I’d built up an element of resilience and mental strength before fibro hit.
I don’t want to think ahead in to 2013 too much, but focus day to day as the best way of getting through this. I’m a great fan of Mindfulness (the here and now) and I’m reading “The Mindfulness Solution to Pain: Step-by-step Techniques for Chronic Pain Management” by Jackie Gardner-Nix and listening to Meditation for Pain Relief: Guided Pratices for Reclaiming Your Body and Your Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn (Author, Narrator who is the man who brought mindfulness into mainstream medicine) .
So, I think I’ll break down 365, 24/7 into manageable chunks and focus on this evening 🙂
It comes to the end of December, another year is looming. It seem easier to do reflective practice as part of your work, but when it comes to personal issues, it’s not quiet as simple. I tend to do this as I go along; each month look at different aspects of how the month has gone.
When fibromyalgia is such a big part of your life, I tend to reflect and reject. There are some things I don’t want to think about because quite a bit of it I can’t change, likewise where I have managed to make changes, these have been short-lasting. I find myself in battle with ME a lot of the time, but because work is so much more productive, rewarding, worthwhile and effective I am not against myself. Yet, because I choose to stay working, I pay a big price for doing so, by being unable to do much in my personal life. On balance though, I’d be in the same battle with myself whether I was working or not.
So in many ways I choose to reject reflecting on my year past in how I’ve been and how I’ve felt and take more comfort and interest in what I do in my work and my own sideline at http://www.mentalhealthihntheuk.co.uk.
I will spend most of my time off working away behind the scenes at MHUK and focus on the year ahead in setting up my own business.
It’s not been an easy year, my sleep without doubt has suffered the most and the knock on effect has been increased pain, poor memory and cognitive functioning, forgetfulness and fibro fog. I don’t see the year ahead to be much better in that sense, so I’m hoping my plans that I have for the future will go some way in reducing some of that while still being able to earn a living.
A very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone
THE most important thing above everything else over the festive period is the chance to have some time off, relax, recuperate (as much as possible) and know that a lot of people are also having some time off. But that’s the problem isn’t it, this is the only time of year when there is the opportunity to give more people time off than at any other time of the year. Where everyone should be equal.
So I pass a small local Supermarket that has a notice saying; ‘Sorry we’ll be closed on Boxing Day’. Why are you saying ‘Sorry’? Many of the workforce now have no choice but to work on Boxing Day and to work on the 2nd January. Why? Why can’t we take this one opportunity once a year for nearly everyone to be equal. I know we have NHS, Fire, Police, Vets and armed forces etc. working over Christmas and New Year, but I hope at least they are given a chance to take one or the other off for a minimum of two days.
Retail and similar sectors have no excuse, it’s not to help people, it’s just a consumerist society that we now live in. More is more is more is more. Growth = Prosperity, but does it really?
There is little doubt that we’ll outgrow this planet, that we’ll pillage all its resources and that it’ll pay us back for doing so.
We have more things wrong with us physically and emotionally than we’ve ever had before and yet people are living longer, but not always enduring a good quality of life. We have more treatments and medicines than ever before, more solutions to problems that actually shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Why do we think all these things are great to prolong our lives? The lives we live are quantity over quality and all we can do is say “Sorry”.