I feel like I’ve emerged from some bottomless pit filled with thick impenetrable fog. It intruded at a time when work was so busy that my frustration was evident. Generally I don’t engage in whatever mind games that Fibro likes to throw at me. What made it worse was the immense fatigue that came with it.
I manage my condition around my work as I take responsibility for working my hours flexibly, working from home, using Access to Work etc. I’m not obligated to justify it, but I am aware that many people don’t get it. These management techniques get me through periods like this, that’s what they are there for. What I did have to do though is cancel a few work related activities which didn’t do me any favours for my self-esteem. It makes you doubt your abilities, it makes you wonder what the future is going to be like. It brings about challenges for me while setting up my business and working at the same time. Everything takes that bit longer, networking events are usually evenings or need to be fitted in elsewhere around work. I sometimes wonder what I’m doing, but know that working for myself being my ultimate goal is going to benefit my health in the long run.
In many respects I never envisaged I’d be in the position I’m in any way, so having come this far is an achievement in itself. Having been institutionalised in the psychiatric system in my teens and twenties I never thought I’d be able to function at all. I feel that this is what has given me the resilience to battle Fibro. One condition nearly beat me, so I’m damned if another is going to do the same. For the two weeks or so in this horrible fog negativity surrounded me. The zip pulling ever tighter, but perseverance prevailed and the zip broke and clarity broke through. It’ll repeat itself again soon, it’s never the same experience twice and as many other people know who have Fibro there are all the other symptoms to contend with. It would probably take me another hour to write about them all, so I’ll leave it at that, but you get the jist below!
At the moment my fog lights are off……..