I’ve had a shit of a week so far….struggling to get up in the mornings, cotton wool clogging my head, forgetting everything, headaches, eye pain, lymphedema pain, poor concentration etc. For us Fibro sufferers symptoms often come in clusters, no rhyme or reason, it just kicks off. The unpredictable nature of it is extremely frustrating. It can be quiet at work and you’re on a level, then it can be busy at work and it kicks off and vice versa. I start to fear planning things because I just don’t know how I’m going to be. My memory systems that I use, while generally great for Fibro become difficult because you forget how you’ve been using them in the first place.
Having different thoughts, reminders and ideas in folders becomes impossible to manage because you can’t remember where you filed things in the first place and you can’t remember the names of things to search for the things you filed. So you end up looking in everything and trying to focus on names which look nothing like the ones you typed when your head was clear.
Reading is hard unless it’s double spaced lines and font size 14! Phone numbers that I’ve written down I read/dial back to front and reading from laptop/pc monitors just exacerbates my headache and sore eyes (even with increasing the font size). People’s names in diaries for meetings mean nothing because I can’t remember who they are, what they look like and whether I’ve already met them. So I trawl through notes and diaries to try to familiarise myself with where I’m at. It’s all hard work, takes 200% of your energy and makes you feel that what you’re doing is really not worthwhile anymore. I’m a perfectionist and I like to do things well and I admit I do get myself in a tiz when I don’t always need to. In some ways being a perfectionist makes managing Fibro worse because I can’t let go of little mistakes and I guess that’s what I need to be doing. I also can’t take my time at work because I’m in a job that’s very busy so I do end up making mistakes.
That’s all I can write for now……..it’s taken enough of my energy to write this.