A new journey….

I had meant to write this a few days ago, but as usual, with so much to do, it ended up forgotten about.  I wanted to write this as soon as I had started by course I thought I’d better get on with it!

Anyway, it’s a new chapter for me.  I had mulled over doing some professional development for a while.  I already do a fair amount of self-study.  My brain likes it that way, even if it often interrupted with fibro fog.  There is little doubt that it’s a good distraction from chronic pain and I really love learning. (Watch my teachers faint if they ever heard wind of that!)  I do feel at times that I am making up for lost time and it’s probably true.  Despite my better efforts in my younger years it wasn’t until my 30’s that I caught up with myself.

So, I’ve decided to study a CIPD Foundation Certificate in Learning & Development.  It fits best with where I’m currently headed career-wise.  It’s going to help me grow my confidence and it’ll give me a valuable qualification that will help me to develop my business where my target audience is private/public sector businesses.

So, having registered a while ago, I officially start this week.  Most of it is open-learning with 2 two-day workshops in either Birmingham or London.  It’s very flexible and having looked at my study plan given to me by my tutor it looks great.

I started this particular blog on the back of a conversation on a Freelance Trainers Facebook Group that I’m part of.  I was asking if anybody else had done this course and someone wanted to know what it was like too.  So I suggested that maybe I should write about how I get on.

So, here it starts……………….

Tug of War | #Fibromylgia #spoonie

Each time I have a break from workImage I end up in a battle with myself.  I don’t have a good relationship with fibro as it is. Despite reading another blog on the positive changes that someone has had as a result of developing fibro I can’t see one thing that it’s made me see differently about.   But then I’d made a lot of    positive changes as a result of long-term mental health issues and was at the peak of health at the time fibro hit me.

The battle I have is that when off work ‘I live with Fibro’ whereas when I’m working and busy ‘Fibro lives with me’.  There is a very distinct difference here for me and that is how much control it has over me.  At home, it annoys me more, affects what I can and cant’t do, during the 9 or so hours I spend in bed at night it makes a very good job of letting me know it’s there.  There is no doubt I can get away from it when working, it does a good job of chasing me, but it doesn’t quite get as close.  Even when I work from home it doesn’t seem to have as much of a hold of me.

For me the importance of working is very clear, although it does help that I like what I do.  I’m very much looking forward to going back on Thursday, I’ve had enough of being at home even though I’ve enjoyed it. I need work as much as work needs me.  

Only one more day to go……

Reflection and Rejection #fibromyalgia #spoonie

It comes to the end of December, another year is looming. It seem easier to do reflective practice as part of your work, but when it comes to personal issues, it’s not quiet as simple. I tend to do this as I go along; each month look at different aspects of how the month has gone.

When fibromyalgia is such a big part of your life, I tend to reflect and reject. There are some things I don’t want to think about because quite a bit of it I can’t change, likewise where I have managed to make changes, these have been short-lasting. I find myself in battle with ME a lot of the time, but because work is so much more productive, rewarding, worthwhile and effective I am not against myself. Yet, because I choose to stay working, I pay a big price for doing so, by being unable to do much in my personal life. On balance though, I’d be in the same battle with myself whether I was working or not.

So in many ways I choose to reject reflecting on my year past in how I’ve been and how I’ve felt and take more comfort and interest in what I do in my work and my own sideline at http://www.mentalhealthihntheuk.co.uk.

I will spend most of my time off working away behind the scenes at MHUK and focus on the year ahead in setting up my own business.

It’s not been an easy year, my sleep without doubt has suffered the most and the knock on effect has been increased pain, poor memory and cognitive functioning, forgetfulness and fibro fog. I don’t see the year ahead to be much better in that sense, so I’m hoping my plans that I have for the future will go some way in reducing some of that while still being able to earn a living.

A very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone

There was a time…. #fibromyalgia

There was a time when I could give my all online, as a very early adopter of technology and the internet I lived and breathed it. Now all I do is work all the hours God sends for nothing but exhaustion, frustration, isolation, and lack of appreciation. Why do we as a country have these stupid long hours, crap pay, rubbish pensions, and no such thing as retirement anymore.

I dunno, I give up. Most of these new health initiatives are just talk, show off and no action. Paper documents come out, research papers, fancy expensive meetings and wasted money.

We have all this technology and we’re no further forward. 

Live to work and not much else #fibromyalgia

It’s the weekend, time for a bit of catching up online with my own site/community/FB/Twitter than I run and have done for many many years now.  I’m also working on a plan over next year or so to try and set up my own consultancy business.  It means that I can go self-employed and create a mental and physical wellbeing balance that I know I will never be able to replicate in mainstream employment.

I actually don’t believe workplaces will ever address the barriers and stigma that face physical and mental wellbeing in my life time.  We are getting there, but the power of many is often offset by the shear ignorance of a few who on balance can really mess things up.

I work in mental health and I’d say that although my workplace has been very accommodating, my previous employers weren’t and likewise many people who I have spoken to who work in mental health are dealt with dreadfully.  The facade put on by businesses/orgs/companies hides a very painful and shocking underground agenda of bullying, discrimination and self-importance.  As individuals we are fighting for every position we can to heat, feed, clothe and put a roof over our heads.  Who are we kidding when jobs are on the line that everything will be dealt with according to laws, policies and rules. 

I’m also fed up with people.  I don’t fit in with most people; I don’t have the same opinions, values and principles.  Everywhere around me, people talk about issues and topics and 70% of the time I don’t see things the same way. If I could live on an Island with my husband, I would!  But then I am overly sensitive to external stimulation and most things bug me. 

I’ve waffled today, but actually what I was really going to write about was Income Protection.  After nearly a year of looking I decided to make the move and call a broker to look in to Income Protection for me.  I know I needed more specialised advise as I have a pre-existing condition.  I suspect it may be quite difficult to find something and my premiums will be more per month, but that’s something I am prepared to pay for.  I’ve included redundancy in it too as I went through this process just last year and it was so stressful I’d want to make sure that should I be in that position again, I’d at least have something to live off while looking for other work.

I await the result of my MRI scan, hopefully no intervention is needed, but I try every day to do my exercises, to keep as supple as possible, to reduce the cramps, burning, aching and swelling.  I never thought I’d be in this position and now that I am I’ve just got to get on with it.

Lastly, for you mttop72, I’m looking for a lovely Scottish Scenery photo that’ll I’ll put up asap.

xxx

When things go wrong…. #fibromyalgia

Not hugely wrong, but just not what you need when you come back from holiday.  My memory failed me when I assumed I would remember, but I thought it would still work out OK, it didn’t!  I was meant to collect one of my prescriptions on Saturday, and when I forgot I checked to see how much I had left. Enough till Monday so didn’t worry too much. Popped down to my local chemist before work but found it was closed. Thought it was a bit odd, so went to ask in the Post Office. Apparently it was a local holiday and because I’d been away I didn’t know.

At that point I really had no other options, so used my PRN medication to tide me through the day. By the time evening came, I was a little more uncomfortable than usual, but worse was yet to come. I went to bed at my usual time of 10pm, and that was it. Barely any sleep came; I tossed and turned, too hot then too cold. Exhausted by 7am, feeling quite unwell, shivery, tired, sore eyes I got up and had a shower. I went back down to the chemist I got my prescription and immediately took  my first dose. I took my second as usual at lunch time and by about 2pm started to feel a lot better. I was completely knackered, but at least I didn’t feel so unwell. Unfortunately i had to go and have my MRI at 6.30pm, but once that was over I went home and had a much better sleep.

I always struggle with sleep, but at least I get some.  Having none is so much worse. 

I’ve had a very busy week back at work as we are moving offices and the first week back after a holiday is always tiring. As I work from home on a Friday today is really my last day which is quite nice.

We’ve had so many changes and uncertainties in the 3 years that I’ve been there.  I’m hoping this will be a new start with more stability and accountability as people too long in the tooth move on and new more experienced people come in. I never want to experience that again, so here’s hoping.

Night xxx